Low Self-Esteem: The Side of ADHD You Don’t See

“Low self-esteem is something many of us with ADHD internalize from years of living with the disorder.” René Brooks explores.

In our society, we’re constantly told to celebrate who we are. We're told to practice self-care and self-love, to put ourselves first, and make time for ourselves. There are sections in bookstores, video series, and songs on the topic. We're told you can't love anyone until you’ve learned to love yourself.

Now, I hate to interrupt the love fest, but it isn't that easy for all of us. When you have a chronic illness of any type, whether it’s ADHD, depression, anxiety, or any physical ailment, you’re at war with your body. Every day, you get up and wage war against your symptoms. Some days you win, and some days you lose. That part is normal.

Unfortunately, what is also normal is how your illness affects the way you feel about yourself. How can you be your own best friend when you sometimes feel like your own worst enemy?

Low self-esteem is something many of us with ADHD internalize from years of living with the disorder. Admitting you sometimes have difficulty tolerating yourself is unpopular in a world fixated on self-love, self-care, and self-esteem. For many years, I thought I was the only one who struggled with this, but it turned out it wasn't just me.

To illustrate this point, I am sharing my experience and the experiences of others within the ADHD community.

Low self-esteem can make you feel unheard

Spending your life feeling unreliable, undependable, and irresponsible doesn’t make you feel great about yourself. Many people with ADHD start to show symptoms during childhood. In a world where you’re expected to be quiet, sit still, and focus, you can easily be identified as a ‘problem.'

At least I was.

As an only child in a house full of adults, I was often lonely. I was always full of ideas, so I would talk — a lot. “Shut up, René,” became a bit of a catchphrase around the house. Because of this, I learned to be quieter. My thoughts didn’t slow down, but I learned to stop sharing them because (or so I thought) nobody wanted to hear them. When you feel like your words don’t matter, it can make you feel very isolated.

Tip: Do you feel unheard by the people who care about you? Seriously, talk to them about it. For many years, I was convinced nobody cared about what I had to say. I had internalized that message and believed it to be true. By communicating more with the people I care about, I learned the opposite: They want to hear what I think.

Low self-esteem can make you doubt yourself

For those of us living with ADHD, we can learn to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. I had a conversation with one of my friends with ADHD, Lashonda Andrews, who had this to say about the impact ADHD has on your sense of self:

“ADHD has always made me second guess my talents and abilities. Although someone may tell me I'm smart and creative or compliment me, my ADHD immediately shuts down the notion that those words expressed are true.”

Tip: Here’s how to raise your self-esteem, courtesy of Lashonda: “Through meditation and positive affirmations, my self-confidence has increased exponentially. Whenever self-doubt tries to creep in, I replace those thoughts with positive ones. It’s tough to overcome 30 years of negative thinking, but I’m getting there.”

Don’t let ADHD or others determine who you are

I hated school as a child. I hated it so much because I was always told I wasn’t working at the level I was capable of. Every report card declared it, and my parents were always disappointed in me. When you’re living with undiagnosed ADHD, it’s terrible to be constantly told your best isn’t good enough. This only leads to issues with performance, and toxic perfectionism can last way into adulthood. (Trust me, I know.)

I asked my friend Arletta for her input on how to deal with criticism from others. Here’s what she said:

“I hate when people say I am not working to my full potential. I make many small mistakes, and sometimes, that makes people think I'm less intelligent than I really am. In turn, it makes me question my own intelligence. This has made me less competitive at work.”

Tip: Arletta’s advice on how to cope with and overcome low self-esteem: “I have learned to laugh at my own mistakes and not take them personally all the time. This is not an overnight change. Learning to rebuild your self-esteem after years of negative messaging takes time. The most important tip I can give you is to be gentle with yourself and give it time to come together. You can do this."

The takeaway

You're not alone. It can be hard to acknowledge that low self-esteem is related to your ADHD. Overcoming it can be even more difficult. Over time, though, you can find ways to rebuild it. While it takes time and patience, it's possible to learn to love yourself again.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content in and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen. 

NPS-ALL-NP-01095 SEPTEMBER 2023