Thriving as a Caregiver in a "New Normal": Finding Balance and Adapting to Change

After surgery for a benign brain tumor, Susanne White was sure she’d “snap back” to her old self. Instead, she found herself navigating a new normal that took – and still takes – a lot of getting used to.

Drawing on her years of experience as a family caregiver, Susanne followed four golden rules that would help her adapt to her “new normal” in a gentle, healthy manner. Today, she shares these four steps for family caregivers or anyone struggling to navigate new changes in their lives.

My life was turned upside down last year when I found out I had a benign brain tumor that would need surgery to remove. I was shocked and terrified. As I went through the motions to act on the diagnosis and prepare for surgery, I held onto the word “benign.” I did everything I could to get support and manage the wide range of emotions I was feeling. Adjusting to my "new normal" took every ounce of my strength and fortitude.

After a highly successful surgery and recovery, I expected to be right back to my old self and my "old normal." Having this expectation has weighed down on me. Even though I'm doing great, I'm still healing in a "new normal" that's taking quite a bit of getting used to.

Coping with the loss of my "old normal" and adjusting to my new one proves more difficult than getting the diagnosis and having the surgery! As a caregiver, I've experienced this tricky adjustment period before – it’s happened when those I cared for received a life-changing diagnosis or endured permanent changes in their physical or mental conditions.

Navigating a "new normal" is never easy for the patient or the caregiver. Although we want to recover quickly and painlessly, we can get stuck trying to return to what once was - our comfort zone. However, the reality is that returning may not be possible.

Caregiving usually takes us out of our old lifestyle and demands we adjust quickly to a new one. Over the years, I've developed a few strategies to help me navigate change and remain positive and realistic. Remember these tips when unexpected changes in your caregiving journey leave you feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or hopeless.

4 steps to adapt to uncertain new circumstances as a caregiver 

1. Accept that what's happened will not "unhappen" 

Acceptance is the hardest part, but it's the queen of effective measures we can take to adjust to change and our new normal. My surgery changed me forever and afforded me a completely different outlook on just about everything. My old normal does not fit my new life.

When we continue to try to get back to an old baseline that no longer exists, we're wasting precious energy and making ourselves miserable. So, when we accept life as it is and let go of what was, we free up enough space and energy to adapt to and cope with our current circumstances.

Acceptance allows us to start over from where we are, and work with what we have to move forward. We can always look in the rearview mirror, but we must not stare. The road we're traveling on is in front of us. Acceptance opens the door to finding new solutions and ways to live a full life.

2. Be patient

We're not always prepared for changes or the level of adjustment needed to face them. Changes can be overwhelming and difficult to handle, whether they catch us off guard or we know they're coming. We must be patient with ourselves, others, and our surrounding circumstances.

It takes time to heal and process change. Even if we doubt our progress, little actions add up, and we will get there. Patience is not about how long we wait but how we wait. Realizing that progress is the goal, not perfection, gives us the freedom to take our time to heal and comprehend our new circumstances.

3. Remember that grace is in the trying

There is rarely a quick fix to anything, especially for caregivers. When change deeply affects us, and the situation seems unfixable, we may feel overwhelmed and consider giving up. Yet, we have to trust ourselves and keep trying. 

Reset, regroup, and rest if needed, and know you will do the next right thing as soon as possible. Change is scary, but remember, everything is new to us at some point. If you keep trying, all the answers will come. 

4. Know that self-awareness is the first step toward self-healing 

It took me quite some time to realize I was comparing my present circumstances to the ones in my past. I wasn't aware of the pressure I was putting on myself to get back to something that wasn't possible.

When I realized I should focus on the present instead of dwelling on the past, I stopped beating myself up with unrealistic and painful expectations. It was time to get to know the new me, and I could only do that by letting go of the old me.

So, no more "compare and despair." Stay in touch with why and when you're frustrated, and look hard at your expectations of yourself and others. The first step to making any change is self-awareness of how the new and the unknown are currently affecting us.

Take the time to be in touch with your feelings and ensure you nurture yourself rather than nag yourself.

The takeaway

It's ok to start over. Embracing the changes we've been saddled with can feel overwhelming and challenging, but it's worth the effort.

Bravery isn't about conquering our fears - it's not letting our fears stop us. There might be grief and a feeling of being out of sync or being lost in the unfamiliar.

It's challenging to stand in the present without worrying about the past and the future, but the here and now is where the magic is. There is always the possibility of change bringing something new and special.

And even if that doesn't seem to be happening, a new normal can eventually feel like an old friend. The trick is to go gently, take the time needed, and be kind to ourselves and those around us until that happens. 

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content in and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen. 

NPS-ALL-NP-01215 APRIL 2024