Delving Deeper: (Re-)Explaining Migraine to Children as They Reach Their Teens

As our children become teenagers, conversations about their health and the health of their parents need to evolve along with them. Explaining chronic migraine to teens should now aim to fill in some knowledge gaps, deepen understanding, and strengthen the bond between the child and the parent with the condition.

As her son approaches 13, Ciara O'Rourke was surprised by how many questions he had about migraine and how the condition affects her. In today's article, Ciara shares what she learned when discussing migraine with her teenage boy and how she had to reconsider the way she explains her illness.

I'm the mother of three boys, and they are my world. I also live with chronic migraine. I'm aware that long-term conditions like migraine can affect the whole family, so I've always tried to talk openly with my children about my illness.

Throughout their lives, the kids have seen me at my best and worst - and I know the not-so-good times can be distressing for them. That's why I always want to be upfront and truthful about my condition. Things can seem less scary when you have a name and some context for it.

But it isn't easy. Migraine can be a complicated condition, and I've tried hard to relay information in an age-appropriate way. While two of my sons are only a year apart, my eldest is almost a teenager. As kids grow older, they may question more and want more details.

However, too much detail or technical language can overwhelm anyone, and my intentions, though good, could confuse my kids rather than inform them.

Kids of any age often understand more than we think

To help me, I've sought advice from the Migraine Association of Ireland and many other online resources. This research has been invaluable for navigating complicated migraine topics with my children, especially my pre-teen son.

When my eldest son was six, his teacher asked him to draw a picture of a time when he'd shown love for someone. He drew a picture of me holding my head as I lay in bed, with him looking after me.

At the time, this broke my heart, as I saw it as me and my illness being a burden on my family. Nowadays, I see it differently. It was heartwarming - his six-year-old way of showing that he understood what I was going through and wanted to help.

Children often see and understand much more than we give them credit for. I've seen this in my kids many times over the years!

4 things I learned from discussing migraine with my almost-teenage son

1. I've had to evolve how I communicate about migraine as my kids grow up

As my kids get older, the way I communicate with them about my migraine has had to develop and evolve. Children are clever and can tell when we hide things, brush off their concerns, or dumb things down too much. So, while I still keep things simple, I ensure I'm as honest as possible to help reduce any anxiety or confusion my kids have about my condition.

My eldest son approached me recently with questions about one of my recent (and particularly severe) migraine attacks. He'd started to realize that Mommy's migraines were more than me lying in bed with a headache, and he wanted to know more about my illness.

To some extent, I was taken by surprise. I felt like I'd always given my sons enough information about migraine over the years while trying not to overwhelm them. But children pick up so much, especially as they grow older and their ability to retain and analyze information grows.

As I talked to him, I saw he had valid questions about my condition that I'd never considered bringing up. I soon realized that my child-friendly facts about migraine were no longer sufficient as my kids grew older. I needed to equip myself on how to have a more in-depth conversation about migraine with my pre-teen. 

2. I've had to find a balance between "withholding information" and overburdening my son beyond his age and understanding

But though my son was curious and able to understand more, I didn’t want to bombard him with complex medical jargon yet. I wanted to respect his age and knowledge and ensure that I could balance complicated medical terms with real-life examples.

My first step was to avoid generalized information, such as migraine attacks being bad headaches. Instead, I provided information that is specific to my condition and experience. I used examples from previous migraine attacks and talked through my types of migraine, such as chronic and vestibular, their symptoms, and migraine stages. My eldest found this helpful.

I was mindful of allowing him time to absorb this new information and ask questions. I noted his non-verbal cues during our conversations. If I saw he was becoming uncomfortable or upset with the information, I finished my point and moved on.

We had a few of these chats, and I finished by reminding him that I was always available and ready to talk if he wanted to ask anything else.

3. Teens may fill in any knowledge gaps with more frightening misconceptions

My son took me up on that on one occasion. We were out for a walk together when, out of the blue, he started asking me about my migraines and confessed he'd been thinking about them a lot. He asked me if my condition would get worse or cause something like a brain tumor.

I was shocked that this was his worry, but I tried not to show my concern. I reassured him that chronic migraine won't cause a brain tumor or anything like that. I told him that I'd had an MRI at the suggestion of my doctor to check that the migraine diagnosis was correct.

His question also made me rethink how I relay information. I thought I'd always been so clear, but his question about migraine and brain tumors made me realize how much our children can worry.

I had to be even more aware of my accuracy and transparency with the information I gave him, especially given his age and maturity.

We often forget the gaps in what we know (or don't know) and what others do or don't know. I live with migraine. I understand my condition and how it has changed and developed over the years. When talking to my children about it, I subconsciously decide what's "need to know” and what's not. Something I thought was “unimportant” left my eldest son struggling to fill in the gaps and expecting the worst.

4. A shared understanding of migraine can strengthen family bonds

Nowadays, I love how open my eldest son is with me about migraine, his questions, and how this chronic condition affects me and our family. We learn and adapt as we go, correcting misunderstandings, filling in knowledge gaps, and caring for each other.

When you're a parent with a chronic condition, children need to be part of the conversation. While sugar-coating or hiding certain things may seem kinder, it can bring up barriers kids may be afraid of breaking.

Being honest with my eldest has made us closer than ever. I'm also much more confident about talking about migraine with my younger two, as I'm more tuned in with how and when to start these tricky - but invaluable - conversations. 

Migraine Explained to Children and Teens: Helpful Resources

How to Help Your Child Aged 0-11 with Migraine – The Migraine Trust

How to Help People Understand What Migraine Is – The Migraine Trust

How to Talk to Kids about Chronic Illness – Health Central

Migraine Headaches (For Teens) – Nemours TeensHealth

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen.

NPS-ALL-NP-01395 OCTOBER 2024