How Chronic Migraine Affected My Friendships and Social Life, for Better and Worse

No one ever invites migraine to the party, but ignoring its presence can be impossible. Ciara O'Rourke shares how her friendships have changed since her condition became chronic. She has, she says, had to make room for migraine in her social life.

Not all friends last forever – but Ciara won't let migraine prevent her from making more.

There are many downsides to living with a chronic illness like migraine (don’t worry, I won’t list them all in this article). For the most part, though, I have been prepared to handle them and how the condition affects my life.

However, some of the effects of chronic migraine have been somewhat surprising. I was not prepared for one of these – the loss of friendships.

Migraine led to canceled plans and lost friendships

I've always been a friendly and outgoing person. While I wasn't the most popular person in school or college, I always had great friends and an active social life.

I used to have episodic migraine attacks in my 20s when they first began. Though they were awful, I could still maintain friendships as usual. But as my illness became chronic and I had daily headaches, migraine greatly impacted my social life.

More and more often, I had to cancel plans or pull out of events due to a migraine attack. I found this very difficult as it felt like I was letting people down.

This guilty suspicion turned out to come true. People inevitably stopped calling, the invites got fewer, and my social life slowed from a roar to a trickle.

I would always explain to people why I was canceling and try to make them understand what migraine was like. Yet, you'll never fully understand unless you've directly experienced it.

People bluntly told me I was using migraine as an excuse or that "Everyone gets headaches, but they still manage to live their lives." I was called a drama queen (as if!) and accused of fabricating stories to get out of events. My social circle became much smaller, and I lost a lot of friendships.

Migraine and self-doubt sabotaged my social life

I wasn't prepared for an onslaught of physical and emotional pain. I started questioning myself. Was I a bad friend? Did I need to try harder? Was my friendship not worth the trouble of my illness, and what that entailed?

Before long, I became quite introverted and self-conscious as my confidence was damaged.

These days I find it quite difficult to make new friends. When I do, migraine makes a consistent social life tricky to maintain.

When my son started school, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to make new friends around my local area. I was all set on his first day to meet with other parents waiting at the school gates.

And I did meet some lovely people! I became close with some of the mums, and we would meet regularly and catch up on local gossip. It was lovely. I was on maternity leave with my younger child, so getting out of the house, meeting new people, and speaking to other adults was great. Breastfeeding had decreased my migraine attacks, so I was ready to be a social butterfly.

However, when I returned to work, the days got so much busier. On top of that, my migraine attacks returned. Getting the children ready for school or crèche, working a full day, preparing dinner, and doing the housework was hard enough. If you add daily chronic headaches into the mix, you can understand why I had to start canceling plans again.

Once again, not everyone understood, and some people (poorly) disguised their unkind comments as jokes. We began to drift apart, and before long, we stopped seeing each other altogether. Even though I tried to explain my situation, I don't think my new friends understood why I had to retreat. Slowly but surely, these new friendships all but disappeared, and I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt – even though I know it wasn't my fault.

I've had to make room for migraine in my social life

I've made more friends over the last few years, but I prefer to call them acquaintances. It is great to have people to talk to and to organize play dates and parties with. Migraine hasn't snatched away my social life entirely, of course. But I've learned that true friends don't come around very often, and I have made peace with that.

I've also realized I don't open myself up to people as freely as I once did. I'm guarded regarding my illness, so building new relationships isn't easy.

Losing friendships was another consequence of living with my condition, and it's something I have to deal with. This isn't to say that I have closed myself off to new friendships in the future – in fact, I hope there are still new friends to come!

But I've "learned my lesson" (for whatever purpose it's meant to serve). I will be more careful about who I open myself up to and share my personal details with.

But migraine also revealed who my true friends are

It’s not all bad. Over the years, I quickly learned who my true friends were. People who were there for me understood what I was going through. More importantly, they didn't expect me to tough a migraine out for their sake or judge me for canceled plans. 

Today, I can count my true friends on one hand, and that's okay with me. These are the people I want around me – the ones who accept who I am, warts and all.

There's a saying that life-long friends will stick with you through the good and the bad. I believe this and feel quite blessed. My true friends stood by me when things got rough with migraine, and I don't know where I'd be today without them.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen.

NPS-ALL-NP-1210 APRIL 2024