Chronic Migraine Led to Divorce and Finding My Independence Again

Unable to work due to almost-daily migraines and trapped in a marriage without communication, Daisy Swaffer was determined to take her wedding vows seriously… until she and her husband tackled their issues face-to-face. Then, amid a divorce and worried about her future, Daisy became determined to regain her independent streak and not let migraine win.

By 2016, my chronic migraine had reached the point where it became apparent that to have any quality of life, I'd need to stop working.

I'd been working part-time, three days a week, for several years. But, as time went on, my migraines became so frequent and overarching that I could barely make it to work one day out of three.

Outside of work, I avoided doing much of anything so that I could carry on working the next day. I left my job in January 2017, and the improvements soon became obvious.

So much so, in fact, that the thought of returning to work was inconceivable. My husband and I tightened our belts to live on one income instead; a problem that soon eased when my husband got a better-paid job.

In sickness and in health

It was the right decision for our situation, but we had drifted apart in our marriage. Neither of us had been happy for a long time, but we weren't saying as much to each other. I felt trapped in our relationship because I couldn't work and support myself.

Meanwhile, my husband felt trapped because he'd encouraged me to stop working and knew I was dependent on him as a result.

I set about making the best of my situation. Despite feeling hollow and lonely every day, I had made my marriage vows and would stick by them. When you are financially dependent on someone because of a disability, it's impossible to think of a future where that dependence is taken from you.

Migraine batted down every effort I made to work

In 2019, in an attempt to rejoin the workforce, I did some work for my old manager. I couldn’t have asked for a better possible work setup.

I was working from home, doing the hours I felt I could manage, and not needing to work with anyone else on projects. I could get my head down and work on the tasks at hand. My manager knew about my migraines and understood my capabilities and limitations. They never pressured me or questioned when or why I wasn't working. All was great for a while.

But, even in those circumstances, it only took a few months before my migraines began to explode again. Soon enough, I couldn't work any of my days over the week.

Our divorce felt inevitable – but that didn’t take the fear away

By the summer of 2022, my husband and I finally sat down and talked about our marriage (or lack thereof). We decided together that divorce was the only way forward for us both.

And that left me terrified.

I was middle-aged and faced with the unknown future that comes with a divorce. I was ruminating on questions I didn't have answers for. Where would I live? What would my life look like? Did I want to move elsewhere? What would happen to the cats?

But the biggest question was like a giant monster looming over the horizon, my future in its gnarled hands... how would I support myself?

I had no current job and huge gaps in my CV. Most advertised jobs were full-time, yet I struggled with three days a week. It's fair to say that I was in a state of panic and despair about the future.

But the reality of the situation wasn't going to change because of my reluctance to deal with it. So, I started looking into how I could support myself while living in a much smaller house, in ways my migraine could cope with.

I worked hard to find ways to support myself

I began to train in the types of jobs I could do freelance from home. I'd always wanted children, so I looked into fostering as a way to fulfill my need to be a parent and as a way to make an income.

Eventually, I saw a job that fit me perfectly, but it was advertised as a full-time position. I noted in the application that I could only work part-time and asked the company to consider me for the role with that in mind.

They interviewed me, and although they chose someone else for the position, the company also offered me a part-time role made just for me. I had a job again, and I hoped it would be different this time.

Perhaps I could manage better and not let the migraines get in the way of this job, especially as working from home was possible. A secure future after divorce suddenly felt possible despite chronic migraine and the obstacles it caused.

I won’t let migraine steal my sense of autonomy

Migraine has stolen a lot from me in my life. It may well have been a factor in the breakdown of my marriage.

However, I am determined that I can still have a future with this disease - even when my support structures fall apart.

As for news on how my life with migraine has evolved since, just watch this space for part two.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen.

NPS-ALL-NP-01202 MARCH 2024