More Children vs My Health: Why MS Changed My Mind about Expanding My Family

Kat Naish had a five-year-old son when she received her MS diagnosis. As she adjusted to life with her condition, she thought about the plans she'd had for another child. Would MS affect her and her family’s future?

My son was about to turn five when my multiple sclerosis (MS) showed up. At the time, I was keen to have another baby. What followed instead was a whirlwind of relapses and my subsequent diagnosis. My condition meant I stopped thinking about expanding my family for over a year. 

And then my perspective altered. 

An MS relapse changed my plans for having more children

During my first MS relapse, I experienced symptoms that made being a parent extremely difficult. It was Christmas time, and my husband had to do everything. I could barely look after myself, needing help doing up the buttons on my jeans and getting out of the bath. At the time, I couldn't use cutlery correctly, let alone wrap any presents or take much part in the festivities. 

When friends offered to take my son out for the day while I rested, I was in floods of tears as I watched them drive away. It was a lovely thing to do, and I definitely needed the rest, but it broke my heart. Most of all, I was terrified about what the future held for us. 

I didn't realize it just then, but this moment would be pivotal in my decision between prioritizing the management of my MS and having more children.

It was a heart-wrenching choice for me to stop expanding my family. To this day, I still wonder what could have been. This painful decision also left me with a big side portion of guilt.

Should I let MS change my mind about expanding my family?

My mind swam with accusatory questions and the hypothetical consequences of my choices. 

Would he be lonely as an only child? Will he feel injustice at having no siblings when his parents come to pass? Would my son grow up to be a spoilt brat, a loner, or a weirdo – as societal preconceptions about only children said he would? 

And what about my plans? In my younger years, I always said I wanted two kids – should I let MS change my mind about having more children? Was this new decision even mine to make? Could I justify taking this decision out of the hands of my husband or son? 

And then I realized how lucky I was to have one child. Something many other couples could only dream of, I was already fortunate enough to have. 

I could've had another child and managed physically; many women with MS do so very successfully. But I knew, deep down, the mental stress of managing MS and having another baby would've taken its toll on my health, directly or indirectly. 

Having another child came down to my wants vs my son's needs 

I knew then that risking my health to give my son what society told me he needed -- and what I thought I wanted -- would, in fact, be truly selfish. 

As I began adapting to my new life with this chronic condition, I decided to put all my energy into being as healthy as possible. This resolution was to help me, but it was chiefly for my son. I never wanted to see my son spend the day with someone else again as he worried about me in bed at home, too poorly to move. 

I resolved to muster all my strength and courage to be as healthy as possible for as long as possible. I wanted to give my son the childhood he deserves and not let MS stop me from being the best mom possible to him. 

Every day, I still count myself lucky I got the chance to be a mom. I'm grateful I got to make that choice. Many are not. 

And so far, so good. It's seven years on, and I couldn't be prouder of the kind, independent, loving young man my son's growing up to be. 

The takeaway

If you've been diagnosed with MS, having children, more children, or no children is a huge decision. What's really important is being honest with yourself. Don't get swept away by the romance of it; make the best choice for you and your circumstances. Nobody can or should choose for you. 

And, of course, you're always allowed to change your mind.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content in and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen. 

NPS-ALL-NP-01149 NOVEMBER 2023