Christmas Depression: Getting Through the Festive Season when Holidays are Hard

Christmas depression can cast a shadow over the festive season. For some, the holiday cheer can feel overwhelming, leading to feelings of loneliness and anxiety, especially when everyone else seems to be in high spirits.

Today, Rene Brooks explores why the holiday season can be tough for many. She also highlights the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing personal well-being during the festive period.

The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. During this time, you’re expecting to be around food, family, and friends. You envision perfect evenings and gatherings with the people you care about most.

At the height of the festive season, these ideas are reinforced everywhere you look. Social media is awash with happy faces under the twinkles of Christmas lights. The commercials on TV are filled with happy families carving enormous turkeys. Most stores are decked in tinsel and fluffy fake snow, blaring Christmas songs.

But what happens when you’re not so happy during the holidays? For many of us, the change in weather and long, dark days can trigger the winter blues or seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Existing depression-related conditions like major depressive disorder or dysthymia can be exacerbated. Factor in the added pressure of attending large gatherings, like work parties or family events, and you have the perfect recipe for Christmas depression.

And for those with strained family relationships, this definitely isn't an easy time of year.

3 struggles that make my Christmas depression worse

1. The pressure to be there and present a happy face

In the days before my depression, I looked forward to the holidays. I loved the growing sense of hope and excitement that would grow as the weeks flew by toward Christmas. All my friends and family in one place was an annual treat I cherished.

However, a vacation lasting a few days to a few weeks can take tremendous effort to plan. You need to be up to date with work (or even ahead) so there are no fires to put out when you return. Then there's packing, arranging child/pet/house-sitters, traveling, and juggling all the expenses. Once you're there, you can't collapse into an exhausted heap for long. At Christmastime, those days mean committing to 100% energy.

At my lowest, I was coming out of a divorce and trying to wrap my head around living my life again. A big family holiday was too much for me to handle emotionally. The idea of being "on" all the time, plus the anxiety about interacting with so many people, just exhausted me.

When my depression symptoms are at their worst, being around a lot of people isn’t my idea of a good time. I crave being alone so that I can think and try to recover from the pain I'm feeling. But my family has their own ideas about "who I am," which doesn't fit with the person I am during a depressive episode. It often feels like I'm letting them down, which adds to my Christmas depression.

2. Feeling more alone when around others

When I'm depressed, I often want to be the life of the party, full of good cheer and happy stories... but I can't be.

I felt like I brought the whole mood down whenever I spent the holidays with family. I didn’t have anything positive to talk about because my life was going so poorly. I had no “goodwill toward men” to express. I wanted to go home and go back to bed where nobody would bother me.

I would withdraw and become isolated, making it more difficult for my loved ones to reach out to me. My inability to be honest and connect with them made me feel even more lonely than when alone. At one point, I decided to avoid family functions altogether for a while.

Why did I feel the need to hide from family so much? Complicated reasons. Mainly, I didn't want to have to pretend with them. The pretense is so much easier with acquaintances, colleagues, and even friends.

But when you're with people who've known you your whole life, brushing off a concerned, "Are you okay?" with a "Yes, I'm fine," is so much harder. These people look into your eyes, see past your excuses, and know you're not being truthful. So, you avoid them and feel more alone than ever.

3. Strained family dynamics are too difficult to transcend or reconcile

Strained family relationships can also make Christmas depression feel so much worse. I had a terrible fight with a relative around Christmastime last year. They wounded me so badly that I refused to spend any time with them again.

When some relationships have you walking on eggshells, it feels impossible to enjoy the holiday. Nobody wants to go on holiday and be treated poorly. This type of dynamic may cause undue stress.

Putting your recovery first

If you're struggling with any form of Christmas depression, please know that you're not alone. Whatever your family situation is like, there are people who care about you and understand what you're going through.

In my experience, it’s best to find ways to create the holiday experience you would like to see. I find it can help to set the following boundaries:

• Be very clear about who you are and what you’re willing to disclose to your family
• Explain how you can do that while still enjoying yourself
• Avoid those relatives who want to make you feel bad or shame you over your mental health
• Seek out those who accept you as you are
• Find a safe space to just “be"

You aren’t doomed to tense, painful holidays. Set boundaries to reduce further pain or resentment, stay within them, and move forward. You have the right to be yourself and to enjoy your festive season.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

Article resources

Seasonal affective disorder (2016). https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/seasonal-affective-disorder/index.shtml

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen.

NPS-ALL-NP-01407 NOVEMBER 2024